April 5, 2018 (one day before Levi’s first bday)
written by: Mama, through the love & support of dada.
The sun to my moon
The musical note to my tune
Our son, our love for you makes the stars feel real
You make us look at each other in a way and without words our eyes just tell how we feel
One year ago I laid at night restless, feeling scared- and fat
I tried all that I could to find peace during pregnancy, spent a lot of time on my yoga mat
I woke up on April 6, 2017 from contractions pain
Nothing helped the labor aches, not even a zen song or lil Wayne
At 6am, Dada and I took a taxi to the hospital just two blocks down
I’m not sure I had a huge smile on, but it definitely wasn’t a frown
I wondered and made up in my mind who you would be
Nothing came close to the real life dream of you, Levi
We arrived to Lenox hill and I yelled like a movie for pain help
After a few hours of epidural rest, on that rainy day, it was time for the push and yelp
The contractions come back, from the back to the front of my body
Some say it’s a blur but for me it is so clear, not even spotty
Dada to my left, ur aunt Raq behind me rooting me on
The last moments before I’m a mom, a few more minutes of being dondon
Dr mark Gold entered the room and that meant it was time
For your mama to push all that I had, the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do that can’t even be put in a rhyme
He said “mazal tov it’s a boy” and laid you on my chest
i couldn’t close my eyes for at least 10 days after u were born, not even for a rest
I had to stare, to watch, to be a part of your every move
You are my most favorite piece of art, more impressive to me than anything in the Louvre
The picture in my mind of our first nights together are clear as a cloudless day
Your existence is a reminder of why we like to pray
The first few days are hard on the body but you made it so easy to smile wide
Every time I heard you make a little noise, I cried
My new laz fam think I am one big emotional being
It’s cool to be seen as Levi’s Mama, my new role, it is so freeing
Yoga teaches us that what you think you can become
If your face appeared to me at any point in my past dreams perhaps that is why to negativity I try to make myself numb
Having you Levi angel makes dada and I want to seek the good
But no matter how much I try to be the greatest jewish mom, I want you to know a part of me is from the hood
If I could I would scream out loud about how much I love you
Maybe when people see me singing to ur stroller in the city streets they feel that I do
I love to talk and sing with you, especially when I feel it is my voice you need
Our little pesach baby, when u were born from slavery we felt freed
Sharing a room with you means sometimes sleeping in the main room
You rly have been a champ w nyc sirens and our heater that makes that huge boom
Dada and I pinch each other back to reality when we laugh with you and hear your giggle
We love every single thing about you, each move and wiggle
We do still sometimes cry for joy when we hear your little voice that is now turning into talk
You pick yourself up and perhaps soon you will walk
The blue of your eyes
That I pray don’t spend time in cries
I remember the first time I looked into them
The connect like a seamstress to a hem
Our souls spoke so clear one year ago, and they still do
It’s so surreal that your presence in our family is no longer new
all that I say comes with one big Baruch HaShem
I write this the weeks leading up to ur bday as I lay restless, definitely not hitting Rem
I lie awake,
Soon it’s time for your birthday cake
How could it be
You are forever my little Levi
Sent from my iPhone